alright, first things first. i must confess. i am addicted. to climbing. yeah, i know it sounds lame, but the addiction is real my friends. i spent 2 and a half hours bouldering (climbing without a harness). in a garage. 2 of those hours were spent trying to master the exact same move. (which i did finally at 1:45am thank you very much!) my body wishes that i had picked something a little less physically demanding, but i love climbing - the challenge of it, it's a rush, and a chance to push yourself.
16 days left in the drug countdown, 26 if you count withdrawal symptoms. hydrocodone count is up to three so far on 10mg, one of which was this morning. i woke up sick this morning but didn't register that i needed to take something until 2 hours after the pain had started. crohn's 1, jenny 0. however, this is the farthest i've gotten off of steroids since january, and that's a big deal. no trips to the er in i think like 5 weeks! (coincidentally, that's about when i started climbing. hmmmm)
i was up until 2:30 last night just, up. couldn't get my mind to slow down, couldn't stop pacing, talking to myself. i won't claim to know anything about drug rehab, but i seriously feel like a crack addict. i itch under my skin, i see things that aren't there, i can't speak, i can't focus, i can't follow a logical train of thought, I can't hold still for the life of me, my body aches, my hand shake, my head pounds, and for as much of me that is on overdrive there's another part of me that is unbelievably exhausted. i do things that don't make any sense. - i cleaned the top of the fridge yesterday and i hadn't even packed for norfolk... i have no appetite, i'm suspicious of everyone, i just don't feel like myself. last night i swear i saw black ink seeping into jenn's room from the walls...then again i also thought i saw blue scorpions running around outside in the rain last night. don't ask me why they were blue. i feel bad for jenn, poor girl, trying to decipher me and my bizarre behavior.
started packing up my things last night - i leave for omaha tonight, then norfolk saturday until thursday, then i move friday and saturday so i figured i'd get a head start on it. not sure how i'm getting back to norfolk (hopefully sometime thursday), but mom and dad are coming down saturday to help with the big stuff. i'm excited to be out of this apartment, especially considering the fact that last night our dishwasher wouldn't quit spewing water all over the kitchen...
16 days...until i can breathe again

as if i need to really say it, chicago rocked, just like i knew it would. mike worked most of the time i was there which actually gave me time to work on rating the millions of spanish writing samples i have for my honors thesis and i also got in some quality time with his roommates and his girlfriend Courtney. This led to several new experiences, including my first bowl of true indonesian raman (it comes with an oil packet!!) as well as my first ride ever in a convertible. loved it! even the drive home with mike was wonderful, despite the 2 hour delay we had due to the hood mechanism... but if i had to be stuck out in the middle of anywhere, it might as well be with mike. i laughed so hard i cried. twice.
i've been sick twice since i've been down to 10 mg... which is about average. i'm staying on top of it better though - i'm not nearly as hesitant to take narcotics- i've learned that waiting usually leads to the er. i've got 21 days left on these pills from hell, as long as i can stay relatively healthy.
the climbing wall is closed this week, which is not cool at all, but at least i can still swim. i'm leaving for omaha friday for krista's rocking awesome birthday party and then on to norfolk for the week to help out with vbs, which i love. as soon as that's over jenn and i will be frantically moving out and into jm's place. that will be interesting to say the least - he and his roommate aren't out yet since it's not the first of the month... but jenn and i only have that weekend to move, otherwise we work, so that's all we've got. kaitlin moves in in august, so at least it won't be five of us there at once, just four haha like that's so much better. not sure when jm's leaving. not sure if jm knows when jm's leaving. whatev, we'll just deal with it when it comes up. i'm psyched to move out of this apartment, it's been nice, but it'll be great being close to campus especially since i start working on campus that monday!! plus, change is good.
jenn and i met some extraordinary frenchmen last night. they want to open up a french restaurant here in lincoln. sweet. they're cooking for us tomorrow night!! i can't say i've ever had real french food, besides a crepe or two while i was in paris, so i'm excited. plus, they're french, including french manners, french accents, and they're just fun. we could all use a little more french men in our lives.
read educating esme while on the plane to chicago. loved it. made me actually think about switching to elementary ed, but then i remembered that my esl endorsment is good for k-12, so i'm covered. it also made me nervous about teaching - she makes it sound like the hardest thing in the world, which i'm sure it is, and i guess, if something isn't hard, it's probably not worth it. that's the way it seems anyway.
still trying to get through bastard out of carolina, but i think i might have overdosed on young adult lit this summer. i'll try to finish it, but i've got to read something else for a while. still need to finish life of pi too... someday. i'm four books away from meeting my summer goal of 25. go me.
i can't decide if the side effects of steroids are worse than the symptoms of tapering off of them... they both suck, just in different ways. would you rather be "innapropriately happy," frantic, unable to sleep, manic, and overly anxious, or depressed, melancholy, fatigued, suicidal,and sore? hmmmm. at least i'm getting variety right?
this is my last week of real vacation aka nothingness. after this, i won't be able to spend four hours at the rec every day :( i'm going to miss that. i think we'd all be better off if we had four hours a day to be active in something that we love. i am excited about vbs though, i'm sure i'll be ready to come home by thursday, but i haven't been around little kids in way too long. i really should find a solid one day a week babysitting job here in lincoln, if for nothing but my morale's sake.

chicago in four days and counting :) i'm so psyched!!! spending the weekend in good ole norfolk with the rents. this is the first fourth of july that i haven't lit off an insane amount of fireworks. i didn't actually buy any at all this year. i think that means i'm getting old. or poor. or both.
finished 1984, started reading the notebook. talk about opposites. i'm having a hard time making the switch mentally but i'm already halfway through the notebook so that shouldn't be too bad. i've been hearing a lot about these twilight books - i figure i might as well read them and see if i too fall in love with edward the vampire... we'll see. i was pretty wrapped up in the amelia atwater-rhodes series so they've got to be pretty cool to beat those. i actually dreamt last night that i was a falcon shapeshifter (jealous??) it was freaking sweet.
i had a doctor's appointment in omaha this week. i'm still to mad to really talk about it other than to say that it took place. i'm in complete denial at this point (are you still in denial if you recognize that you are in denial??)
lindsay leaves soon - i'm so bummed!! she's been my climbing and swimming buddy all summer... not to mention venting buddy and donut buddy on fridays :) i'm excited for her to be in england but i'll be ready for her to come home to me.
been reading renovation of the heart and listening to some erwin mcmannus sermons... really good for my heart but hard on my head. it takes me a while to get through the material, especially when my brain is going a million miles an hour on all these drugs. but i'm learning a lot - slowly but surely change is coming, and that's refreshing.
not much else to say, if i think if anything profound i'll be sure to let you know. for now, i'm just chillin' until chicago!!!!!!!!!