need a bandaid? i'm your girl.

i had 8 hours of cpr/first aid training.  i'm guessing many of you are familiar with what an amazing experience that can be.  here are the three most important things i learned:

1. a symptom of heat exhaustion is a normal body temperature. 

2. a symptom of anaphylaxia is a sense of doom. 

3. a symptom of a stroke is slurred speech or speaking in a way that others can't understand you - like pig latin or something?

those made me laugh

tons of reading has been happening lately, as vacation should be. i'm in the middle of five books which is an excellent place to be. these weeks have not been without struggle, but they've been good.  it seems like as soon as learning takes place and new things are revealed to me like it has been with all this reading, my life becomes difficult and i hit issues and bumps that i was not expecting.  relationships suddenly seem rough and i feel like i'm hitting my head against a wall. after listening to a series of sermons that have really moved and challenged me, i feel like a cloud is on me and what used to be easy is now hard; what used to be simple is suddenly complicated.  even spain is somehow hanging in the balance with new possibilities.  i'm feeling the weight of graduating college and my instinct is to run.   i keep picturing myself as being handed a real job and then failing miserably and having everyone around me realize that i'm still just a kid, i'm incapable.  i know these are just fears but they seem real and the unknown is always scary. funny how spain seems like the safest thing right now - mostly because it's still theoretical. i don't know the city, or the school. i haven't booked my flight.  maybe i won't book a flight.  but if i don't go now, when will i go?  part of me feels like i'm being childish and naive putting off a "real job" to go hang out in spain, like i'm running away from responsibilities and routine. part of me just wants to go to india now and work on an ESL curriculum for the centers to use in the future but my health would not allow me enough time to finish.  I'd also like to use my experience in Spain to help me develop the curriculum better.  but that's where my heart really really is.  i want to be somewhere were i'm needed and where i'm stretched to grow and am constantly relying on something bigger than myself. but growth brings so much pain sometimes.

basically, i dunno.

but i can perform first aid.  

so that's something.