i wish i posted more often.

i have 2 weeks left in this semester - i can't decide if it has flown by or dragged on - either way, it's been an incredible experience.  Not incredible in the way that I'm used to - traveling, adventures, meeting new people, being on my own, but incredible in a deeper, more grownup way.  I feel like I am planting my feet down and I like that, when I'm not freaked out by it. 

My kids have come a long way this semester alone and I get excited about watching my 42 freshmen become young adults in the next couple years.  I am excited about becoming more grounded as a teacher and as a member of CORE church.  It feels strange to me - to feel at home in a place and not want to leave, but I have been praying that if God wants me to stay in Omaha, that he would give me contentment here.  I have never liked living in one place longer than a year, but I actually think I might be able to call Omaha home for a couple more.  Part of it may be just growing up and settling down, as boring as that sounds. Who knows what this next year will bring though.  

As much as I feel that I am beginning to get the hang of teaching, I am still constantly surprised and amazed at the things that happen to me every day.  The questions that my students ask me, the stories I hear, the things they say - at any point in the day I could usually laugh, cry, or scream.  Sometimes I really feel like doing all three.  These kids are in a completely different place that I have ever been in, dealing with things I have never had to face.  The odds are stacked against them and they know it.  Yet, the passion and life that I see in them is incredible.  Their humor and loyalty to one another is fascinating to me.  They always ask me why on earth I chose to work with high schoolers - aren't they annoying? don't they bug me? wouldn't I rather hang out with people my own age?  No, I feel sorry for adults who don't get the chance to chill out with my kids - I am constantly reinventing myself, rethinking my assumptions, and challenging my own ideas because of them and I love it.  There are days when I want to quit, there are days when they don't care and it makes me want to not care.  There are days when my students are filled with so much pain and anger that I feel unequipped to help them untangle the mess - like I'm trying to teach them how to swim in a desert.  What good is it to know Spanish when you're not sure where you're sleeping that night?  But, I'm there, and I listen, and I love them.  I go to work every day hoping I will get the chance to make a difference in their lives, repaying them for the difference they have already made in mine.  

*this does not apply to 2 of my kids, who make it their goal to ruin my life every day.*

all that to say, i think i might love my job, but now I know why teachers get summers off.  it's for sanity!