hopsital, hospital, oh how i love thee

So i'm in the hospital.
again.
Went to the e.r. saterday morning early - john mark took me (what a sweetie!) i got an i.v. and some other drugs, left in a few hours feeling better with a script for some sweet narcotics (again). Mom drove up from Norfolk like a good mom and took care of me all day - made me go home with her, which i'm actually grateful for - when you're that sick you don't really want to be anywhere but home. Dad left for india yesterday- it was great to see him and have some time to chill with him, even if it was at 2 in the morning when i got sick...again. We had a great talk though, and it was almost worth it to be able to connect with him - we don't get to very often any more with how busy we both are and what better time than in the middle of the night the day before he leaves for india?!?
After dropping him off at the airport, mom and i mosied over to the e.r. in omahaas my pain level was right there next to "for the love of all things holy" and checked me in. After quite a bit of morphine and some other things, (tests, tests, and more tests-ultrasound, cat scan, x-rays) they decided to admit me since i wasn't able to stand not being on pain meds for more than 15 minutes. So, here i am, in the hospital, again.
I'm on iv steroids and morphine still, but i'm feeling way way better, but that doesn't change the fact that i'm sick and as soon as i'm off this i.v. i'll probably be as sick as i was before. Waiting for the doctor to give us a plan of some kind for when they let me out of here (whenever that is)
i'm trying not to be pessimistic but i did this two months ago and nothing changed. You never see yourself getting to this point in life - getting so sick that your disease controls you - tells you what you can and can't do, what you can and can't eat (in my case, no food, ever. haha) i feel like someone else is in complete control of my life and that's such a scary and helpless feeling. I'm too tired and pissed to try and fight right now, we'll just see what the doctor says i guess.
10 things i hate about hospitals
10. they smell funny
9. i.v.s are no fun, and they have to go with you everywhere and that's just annoying
8. "can i get your vitals?" every 30 minutes
7. everything is tan or white (no wonder people are sick here)
6. the food (if i was even allowed to eat it)
5. the clock - i swear it moves slower than normal time
4. being stuck on a bed
3. not knowing what the crap is going on
2. gown. 'nuf said
1. knowing that i'm sick enough i actually need to be here