how did I end up here?

I realize that I have absolutely no idea who if anyone reads this, and I'm not sure if that's to my benefit or not as far as my choice of what I post and what I keep to myself.
Garrett and I broke up last night; or I guess this morning. It still seems so surreal, like I was watching it happen to someone else and then I woke up with this sick feeling and it all came rushing back. It happened to me. We dated for three months, and I'm so glad that we did. I learned a ton and had so many good memories, but breaking up always sucks, no matter the circumstance. The fact that I'm sick adds such a complicated and crooked twist to everything. It's the red food coloring that someone dropped into my glass of water and I'm doing everything I can to keep from moving, keep from letting it spread, letting it get to every part of me, and I'm failing. I know it's just physical but it effects so much more than that. And I know that life is complicated and things don't always make sense, but that doesn't keep me from wishing that they would.
This entire semester feels like some little midget bastard ran up behind me and nunchucked me behind my knees and then ran away laughing. Everything has taken me so off gaurd and been so completely different than what I expected, many cases for the worse. Life runs that way I guess. At least it keeps me from trying to plan too far in advance.
I'm moving to Chicago in 9 months... No idea where I'll stay or where I'll student teach or work or anything really. I just know that that's my next bold move. Everything will be blurry for a while here this semester yet, and I'm ok with that. Life gets so much simpler when you're facing challenges. I'm grateful; it helps me realize what's really important and what's not worth getting stressed or anxious about (like the paper I have due today that I haven't started). Summer is still vague to me...but so are the next five minutes at this point. I'm assuming I'll stay in Lincoln if for no other reasone than we have this place rented until June 19th. After that, no idea. I have a job the last three weeks of summer; I have summer school the first three weeks. That leaves an awkward chunk in the middle with which I'd love to do nothing but lie on the beach, go boating and camping, and learn to garden. I somehow don't see it rolling out that way though, not if my midget has anything to say about it.