last week of summer school!! i've got one more class tomorrow and then i have rightfully earned 3 credits in nutrition 100. i'm so glad i didn't take this during the school year.
started reading "me talk pretty one day" - i'll finish it today. it's good - another good read aloud book :) i've got "1984" "the notebook" and "the secret life of bees" waiting for me. i'll pick up a couple from jm hopefully sunday to take with me to denver. oh yeah, did i mention i'm going to denver? not sure why, other than why not. mom's going to do some work with dfn and as of tomorrow at 11:30 i no longer have any obligations in lincoln other than tutoring on mondays. we'll be gone monday through friday - i might stay in norfolk an extra day - we'll see... denver should be a blast. i've got nothing planned other than reading and chilling and eating so as long as those three things happen at least once a day i'll be happy! should be fun to spend some time with momma too - plus we get to drive the mini!!
went to jazz in june for the first time - strange, you'd think i would've gone sooner, but this is my first summer in lincoln i guess... it was a blast - mostly because drew and elise and teddy and nora were there too! drew is learning the art of the the hackey sack - he'll go pro soon. elise and i are basically attatched at the hip whenever i'm around her - and i love every minute of it!! she's still little enough that i don't mind carrying her everywhere or having her crawl all over me when i'm sitting - we even made up our own secret language yesterday (jealous??... you should be!)
swam mucho this week - i'm getting certified to climb today too - that should be interesting considering my legs haven't fully recovered from squats and lunges from tuesday haha i'm such a wimp. i hope i don't get too into climbing where i actually spend money for shoes and whatnot...it's an expensive hobby! i don't plan on getting really good at it - just decent. i'm better underwater anyway, but it is a blast! plus lindsay swims with me and puts up with all my whining so the least i can do is climb with her :)
i realized last night that i'm constantly in this struggle and i can't figure it out exactly - which side is right and which one is fake... it's like i'm this strong woman, a he-woman if you will, capable of destroying souls with the glance of an eye, unwilling to take help from anyone, stubborn, and full of determination and courage. then, suddenly, i become this helpless child, this terrified meek creature who doesn't talk, doesn't do anything that might bring attention to her... and i think i'm both of these things, i just can't control when i switch, and they both have their good and bad sides... i just wish i could keep the good of both. the problem is, when i do become in-control and passionate, i also become stubborn and unable to accept help. the alternative, when i become gently and shy, i also become scared and cut myself off from everyone else around me. i feel like jekyll and hyde. i don't even know what triggers the switch, but i know it's there. every minute of every day i'm fighting both of them, trying to keep myself somewhere in the middle with a balance of audacity and timidity. and then something happens and i lose it - something triggers me and i'm suddenly out of control. it's like trying to be a "white wave" and a "fair maiden" at the same time, i guess my name fits me well.
summer has given me time to think, which is dangerous. i'm loving the storms and i've decided to make it my summer goal to discover the best swingset in all of lincoln. swinging is more fun than anyone will give it credit for.
i'll let you know how colorado goes - it is going to be somewhat of a personal retreat so if i come back with dreads and smelling of jasmine and clay, just leave me alone for a couple days, i'm sure i'll snap out of it..assuming it's not permanent damage.
p.s. quilting and laundry are happening tonight - and that is very good.