please know that i'd like to fill this page with thoughts of you.

"out of the overflow of the heart come the words of the mouth,"
and i've yet to fill my own soul with anything but to-do lists
let alone hold onto another heart
but i'm trying

please know that i really did mean to go today,
to turn in the paper, take the test, meet with the prof, answer all your questions, and eat a balanced meal.
but i've had enough of academia, thanks.

please know that i did mean to call.
all i hear is a busy signal, and you can't hear me screaming.
if it's not happening tomorrow i can't see it. and sometimes even then it's a blur
i skip one to make up another, and at the end of the day i'm still lost,
sitting on my window, inhaling hazy numbness
because it's the only thing that makes sense
please know i don't normally smoke.

please know i love you,
let it be the undertone of all of my actions
despite these coming weeks of autopilot and formalities
i'm addicted to our reality of magnetic words and wood stoves
and i will fight
but please know i'm tired and i'm sorry if i cannot quite reach the finish line