christmas

I'm spending this Christmas in Cheyenne - the first christmas I can remember being away from home, from family.  This is also the first Christmas I wasn't prepared with a list of several things I really wanted but didn't need, and also the first Christmas I have spent grading papers instead of getting ready for a new semester of classes.  Change can be difficult, especially when it comes so quickly and in so many forms.  I always thought I loved change but now I am not so sure.  I will say that it has been fun being here, cooped up in Guero's parents' house with blankets and books and nothing else on the agenda besides the occasional papers to grade. 

I had a ridiculous trip to the hospital a week ago for my infusion.  No saline, they weren't sure about the measurement of the drug, i began to run a fever at the end, and my blood pressure kept dropping until I couldn't see straight, and my arm broke out from the i.v.  All in all, it was a disaster. After all of that, my blood lab comes back and it turns out my body is running very low on pretty much everything.  No wonder I've been so exhausted and just sore the past couple weeks.  Now, the question is how to fix it, and even more then that, why is it happening in the first place?  Is it because the medicine is not working as well and my body is going back to its original state of attacking itself? or is it because I haven't been eating as healthily?  Not sure that's the case, or at least I don't think so.  It might be stress, or any number of things really.  The problem is, there is no real way to find out, only to hope that I can get the numbers back up and keep them that way.  It is really taking a toll on my energy level, as well as a number of other things.  This is the time in my life when I am supposed to be my healthiest, full of life and energy... but I feel so weak and tired all the freaking time!  

I am beginning to wonder how long I will be working at South - not that I hate it, or that I really want to leave, but I want to make sure I am considering my options, making the most out of what I have.  It looks like I will be in Omaha another 2 years-ish while Guero finishes school, but after that there is no real plan.  I can't decide if that is scary or exhilarating, maybe both.  I have always wanted to go back to school for my masters, but I cannot seem to fit the idea of teaching full time with college in my brain or my tired body.  I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least start and get a couple classes under my belt, even though it would be a year at least until I had enough credits for a pay-raise... 

Good thing I'm not teaching for the money!

I had an epiphany about my teaching at one of our teacher get-togethers, and it's something that I know but I somehow forgot along the way.  I won't bore you with the details, - it has to do with input versus output in language and the repetition it takes to retain information and the best way to go about doing it - making patterns, categorizing, putting in context, ... boring stuff, but I'm excited to get back into it this next semester and get better at teaching - there is something very exciting about knowing that I can only get better at my job from here on out, but also slightly overwhelming.

I have begun to form some incredible friendships in Omaha, which is something I did not expect or really even seek out - I am very grateful and surprised at the incredible people that I have met and who have invested into my life. I am excited to see where they go and how they develop, I know I will need them to get through this year!  Some are teachers at South, others are friends of friends, others are from CORE church, but they all are food to my soul in one way or another.  It is good to have new friends, to remember the importance of friends and to know that being a missionary kid didn't totally ruin my chances of forming relationships with others. 

I am excited and anxious when I think about this coming year, - it makes my bones hurt thinking about teaching my kids for 5 more months, hopefully I will get my health under control by then.  I know that it will be a challenging year, but I think it will be a great year as well :)