i don't have time to write, but i'll die if i don't.
i have no idea if i did the right thing. I can't help but feel that this decision is going against everything that i stand for, to put it in the words of ewin mcgregor, "truth, beauty, freedom, and above all else, love." When did I become logical? Since when do I put rational thought above my own feelings?! I refuse to become hard-hearted. the pain is real, I know that, but is it necessary? I think I might have made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. And I'll always wonder what could've been. And i know that that's not how life is meant to be lived, but isn't it better to wonder what could've been than to be indifferent to what was? The only hope I have to hang on to is knowing that I can only see so much from where I am, and sometimes He requires that we trust despite our every feeling. And as much as I'd like to say this is logic, it's really my gut, my spiritual instinct and self-discipline telling me to be wise despite my feelings. It's living on what I know that I know that I know despite what I see or feel. But that doesn't mean my heart isn't screaming.
I'm so sorry, for what it's worth.
jen