holy long blog batman!

This growing up thing is finally happening... I can see it right around the corner and there are so many people behind me running in the same direction that I can't turn around and fight the mob. And these people, these counselors and teachers and future jobs and future plans and future savings account and future family are all pulling at me and now I can't remember why I was running so hard in this direction in the first place. Why oh why was I ever in a hurry to grow up? and how do i stop now? we got our packet assignments today for student teaching... and this is the real thing. as soon as february i start applying for a real job. w.t.f. seriously, i didn't ask for this. And I realize that whatever i end up doing will by no means be a boring grown up job - at least not yet, but for the love of all things righteous and holy, why is this all happening now?
and, i'm sick, to top it off. not crohn's sick, but remicade sick, which is different, but still equally unfun. started reading "only revolutions" so making up words is totally allowed. i feel like i got ran over by a cement truck. twice. tomorrow is friday at least, that is my saving grace at this point. nora and teddy and the kids are coming over for supper tomorrow - hooray! not sure i'll have the energy for that, but i need it :) it's the least i could do for them for all that they've done for me!
swam a mile today. felt so good. i never think i'll have the energy to finish it during the first 800 or so and then somehow it gets done! it was especially exhausing today though, i can tell my body is getting weak, which is weird considering i'm gaining weight... i guess i'm not complaining as long as i'm out of the hospital.
is it a sign of maturing that you can be so close to god in some areas of your life and completely miss the boat in others? jenn and i were talking about that - how in some areas of our life we are right on and can hear god and are in step with him, but in others it's like we cannot seem to do anything right- i remember when i used to be hot or cold for god, and now i feel like i might be learning to be a little more stable.
tutoring a ton of student athletes - and i love it. if i could, i'd just tutor english and spanish all the time working with students one on one or in small groups. it's the way to go! not sure if i want to apply for a job just yet, which is fine because teaching at lps wouldn't start until october anyway so i have time to turn it down if i want - but it would only be one day a week after school and at 18 dollars an hour... not sure i'll be wanting to turn that down! plus, i haven't work with elementary kids in a couple months- i miss those boogers
i wonder if crying would make me feel better. you can never tell if it will make you feel better or worse until after you start and i think i might be too tired to try. but i'm not too tired to fall asleep watching pirates of penzance. what's that? you've never heard of the greatest musical comedy of all time? well, you should go rent it. if you can find it. i found it at the library... the lord was watching out for me that day haha :)
glorious saturday, oh i'm psyched. why? i have nothing planned, minus lunch. i can do lunch.
what will end up happening on saturday:
renew drivers license
change car oil
read article for class
take notes for spanish stylistics
email advisor
write out essay
deal with unknown crisis that will come up friday night
spend a couple hours rating student samples
plan out english lesson
read
laundry
walgreens
climb!
finish ceramics assignment...wait it's closed saturday. sunday?
yikes that's it. i'm getting stressed just thinking about it and blogging is supposed to be a destressing activity. .crap. let's see.. ponies... yeah.....i like ponies.