sad thoughts:
1. i feel like every time i get a chance to catch my breath it all starts again and i'm right back at the beginning tripping over my own feet trying to keep up. as soon as one thing gets done another one starts. The minute i get in a full 8 hours of sleep one night i get 2 the next.
2. i wish i could say that i can see things slowing down but frankly i have a feeling that is as slow as things will ever be in my life. the minute i become responsible for more than just my own life i will lose even more ground. actually i'm thinking it might be easier to just hurry up and do the family thing so i can quit being dissapointed in what i do and don't get done and i can focus on something other than my own problems and instead focus on those closest to me.
3. and i know it's not about getting it all done but about being at peace but i've forgotten what that even feels like. and i either have time to do the things that are due the next day or the things that are ultimately important to get me where i want to go, but i can't seem to juggle both. It's either the spanish quiz for tomorrow or looking up high schools in san diego that accept student teachers, but never both. urgency and importance are vying for my attention and i'm losing my grip on everything the tighter i hang onto it.
4. july of 06 i wrote:
Life is only 80 years long. That’s it. that’s as long as I have. I must figure out what is important in life and focus on it always ,every day, or it will all be worthless. So where does this leave me? What if he’s not real? How do I live life to the fullest? If this is really it. how do I keep from getting lost in the details of the to do lists, the every-day routine? How do I force myself to remember that this is life. That this is everything. This is my one and only chance to do, be anything
and i'm still wondering exactly how to go about keeping the big picture in mind when all these details are pulling at me from every direction.
5. I am way behind on my honors thesis, which wouldn't be a big deal except, well, it's a big deal.
6. I'm losing touch with some of the things that i love to do and some of the people that i just plain love because of time and money. Two things that should never keep you from doing what you love.
7. I miss Mikey. a lot. phone calls just don't cut it sometimes.
8. My eyes are doing that thing where they are burning for no other reason than to try and convince you to go to sleep even though you know you have a million things to do before tomorrow and if you close your eyes now it will never get done. But you have no way to tell this to your eyes so they just keep burning hoping that you'll eventually give up and just give in and freaking sleep.
9. "he reaches out and he takes my hand. Little does he know that he's holding a corpse. "Baby, he says 'what's wrong' 'baby' i say, 'where do i start' I am broken. I am sick. My body's ravaged. i am not me anymore." -song #2
10. I'm always 2 inches away from quitting, falling, failing, losing, being lost, being overlooked, missing out, oversleeping, overstepping, and underachieving.


less- sad thoughts
1. Yoga
2. Reading Water for Elephants
3. Recording an album of my own stuff
4. rice crispies with honey (seriously, uh-mazing)
5. not being dead
6. Reading A heartbreaking work of staggering genius
7. going climbing next weekend
8. one week mark of being out of the er
9. Reading I and Thou
10. god is sovereign, always.