please don't ask me to save you

I can see that you're drowning but alas I cannot seem to reach you, for you see, I too am drowning.

I can't quite accept that it's over. Not yet. Not until I've cried him out of my veins. Not until the marrow of my very bones has been sucked dry and I have etched the pieces of what we could have been into every tear that travels down my cheek. Not until I have scraped him from the inside of my heart. Not until I have erased his scent, his aura from every fiber of my being. Not until I can inhale and exhale without feeling him in every breath I take. Not until my heartbeat stops beating to the rhythm of "I miss him" and "I'm so sorry." Not until I quit hearing him in every song, seeing him in every stranger, always out of the corner of my eye, always right behind me, always out of reach. Until I look. And realize it's not him. It's never him. It's never going to be him, again.

You are a miracle, but that is not all.
You are also a stiff drink, and I am on call.
You are a party, and I am a school night
I'm looking for my door key but you are my porch light
And you'll never know dear just how much I loved you
You probably think this is just my big excuse
But I stand committed to a love that came before you
And the fact that I adore you
Is just one of my truths.

-ani difranco, school night.